What support is available?
The sense of loss and grief felt when a loved one dies is faced by us all at some point in our lives. Bereavement is a natural process and it is important to allow emotions to surface. Doing so will help you to work through them.
There is no easy way to come to terms with your loss but many people, especially family and friends will be able to help you emotionally and with any practical arrangements that need to be made.
The professionals who have been involved in the care will also be able to provide you with support. In addition, there are a number of charities and voluntary organisations who will be able to help you too, so talk to the care team and your local hospice or ask at your local library or look online. Below are just a few examples of national palliative care or bereavement organisations to help at this time in Germany, Spain, The Netherlands, Sweden and the UK, but there are many more in other countries:
· A.M.A.D. - Asociación de mutua ayuda ante el duelo - www.amad.es
· ALAIA - Asociación de Ayuda a Enfermos graves y Personas en Duelo - www.alaia-duelo.com
· LUGEO - Trauerhilfe, Trauerbewältigung - www.lugeo.de
· Pietätsportal / Trauernden helfen - www.pietaetsportal.de
· Vrijwilligers Palliatieve Terminale Zorg Nederland - www.vptz.nl
· Palliatievezorg - www.palliatievezorg.nl
· - www.palliatief.nl
· KiesBeter.nl - www.kiesbeter.nl
· Nationella Rådet för Palliativ Vård - http://www.nrpv.se
· Cruse Bereavement - http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Whilst some people are able to cope well without any specialist support, others may need the help of professionals. Trained bereavement counsellors can be very supportive, as can your local priest or other religious leaders. Many hospitals and hospices also provide Chaplaincy services and their help is an integral part of the ‘care of the dying pathways’ – again talk to the care team, to your local hospice or you can ask at your local library or look online.
Registering a death and arranging a funeral
When you have just lost someone close to you, the practical arrangements such as registering their death, arranging a funeral and letting institutions and friends know can be very difficult. Should you feel that you need help, there are many sources of information that will be useful.
Your doctor or a social worker should have a checklist of what you need to do and whom you need to contact. Your local social services or government offices should also be able to provide this information, or you can find it by visiting your local library or searching online.
Registration of a death needs to be carried out within a limited number of days so the first thing you will need to do is obtain a death certificate from the doctor or hospital. You will need to take this to the local office where deaths are registered.
There may be several forms to be completed that are sent to organisations such as the pensions and welfare offices that need to know immediately if someone has died. It may be necessary to ask the registrar for additional copies of the death certificate (there may be a charge for this) so that you can send these to banks and other organisations that need an original copy to certify death.
The registrar will be able to advise you about returning important documents to the issuing authority such as passport, driving licence, cheque book, credit card etc. It is important that you always enclose a covering letter with returned documents explaining what has happened and including your own contact details.
If arrangements haven’t already been made you will also need to contact a funeral director who will be able to guide you through the funeral arrangements. They will help by discussing the possibility of a burial or cremation, where to hold the service, any music and readings, and any other arrangements that may need to be made after the funeral. Your doctor’s surgery will be able to advise you about whom to contact if you are unsure.
Many people discuss what sort of funeral they would like before they die so make sure the funeral director is aware of any wishes so that these can be respected.
Living a different life
Coming to terms with losing someone close to you and being able to move forward can take some time. Some people may feel guilty when making new plans and accepting a new, but changed life can be very difficult. We are all different; the length of time and how we deal with the changes will vary with each of us.
It is very important that during this process that you look after yourself both physically and spiritually. Be willing to accept offers of support and friendship, especially from family and friends, and gradually acceptance of a different life will begin.
